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While You Guys Sleep

December 22, 2014 by ashton.Admin

I decided to start blogging again at 2:14 am on December 22nd. I knew it was going to be a long night of infomercials and writing is a great way to combat them.

I have not been able to write in weeks. Rather, I have felt I have nothing to offer and have likely lost my audience anyway as the main character of my story has vanished.

A new antagonist has come upon the scene. I’ve been waiting for you, you big meanie.

I want you. If I can’t have my boy back, I want YOU. When you crawl onto the pages of my life you give me such beautiful weakness. You bring something so gorgeous out of me. I feel you and my hand reaches out without my consent in the beckoning motion I came to wait for. Come here. I have something to tell you, but I can no longer speak. I have something lodged in my throat. It is not a SuperNova, it is something else. It, itself is unspeakable. It isn’t grief. It is nothing but,

Annihilation is defined as “total destruction” or “complete obliteration” of an object; having its root in the Latin nihil (nothing). A literal translation is “to make into nothing”. Wikipedia.

I have annihilation lodged in my throat. Think this is too dramatic?

I didn’t think so.

While you guys sleep, my antagonist keeps me silent. I get past him for a moment at a time, but it’s tricky. I scream Ashton Ashton Ashton Ashton Ashton Ashton. Ashton!

My throat opens and snaps shut. Annihilation won’t let me go beyond that.

 

 

 

Posted in: Uncategorized Tagged: grief, loss of a baby, lost child

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