I have maintained a strong sense that a reliance on Science will see us through this. ( Science even rhymes with reliance) Who can argue with THAT?

I have flirted with both religion and spirituality in the last decade. Yes, I believe them to be different. Then, I found myself in a situation where religion was sort of crammed down my throat and I didn’t have a voice because mine didn’t matter. In effect, someone who was trying to turn me on to God, basically helped me run away, and fast.

People have to understand that I didn’t grow up with faith. So, to grasp it and go with it? Even with many reasons I could give God credit, I tend to go with the¬†coincidence theory.

I understand that people find a lot of comfort and strength in their beliefs. I WANT that. I do not, however, know how to download faith. I WANT to.

It occurred to me yesterday that both science and spirituality could be more effective by working in tandem. Also, someone suggested that I go ahead and pray, even if I am uncertain. So, yesterday I prayed.

I’m a person who loves ritual, so the faith I did adopt many years ago suits me. I adore the Rosary, I adore Mary. And Mary Magdalene! (my confirmation name)

I got slammed for identifying with these women and also for  identifying with the Saints. I was told there is only ONE way to God. And I was told this many times over. SO, I turned on everything because it was so confusing, and incorrect.

Here we are. It’s not a great time to be in the middle of a struggle with God. So, I am abandoning the struggle and I’m just going to pray anyway.

Today I am praying for the obvious: a committed donor. Also, whether it be coincidence or the result of someone’s prayer, Ashton’s ANC went from zero to 50 overnight and he doesn’t need platelets today (so far). So, it looks like today is the day, though it has not been confirmed…HOME!

Ashton goes, “see ya later, hospital. See ya on the next round.”



  1. Donna Colyer Martin

    Sometimes faith is all we have. Faith that tomorrow will come, faith our loved ones will be healed, faith there is a God that hears our prayers. My father was a minister so religion was also forced on me and I ran away from it, except in my darkest hours, which I have had a few, I fell on my knees and prayed earnestly and sincerely, and maybe it wasn’t the answer I was hoping for but it ended up being the best results. I can tell you after my prayers there was a peace that came over me and I found I was given the strength and courage to go on when I didn’t want to. I believe there is one God who hears our prayers, knows our pains and struggles and walks with us or sometimes carry’s us when we feel alone and desperate. That is where the faith comes in, God is listening and will help us. I came back to my Faith and I try daily to talk with him and rely on him. I hope and pray you will find that peace. I love you

  2. Lynn Avery

    Erin, no one knows what you are going through unless they have lived in shoes like yours. Whatever you feel comfortable with as far as religion you should follow that path! You intuition is telling you something and our intuition is always right. Everyone has an opinion about something and they are always right, they think! That is why there is chocolate, strawberry, vanilla etc. ice cream! So people have choices! Please follow your heart! Hug Ashton for me!

  3. Lindsay O.

    If its God you’re looking for, He will find you. Whether you understand Him or not, Love always finds a way. You and your son have an amazing story that will touch and inspire more than you know, will help others to be strong when life becomes desperate. Thank you.

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