I admit it. I spend a lot of timing talking about how there are no coincidences and then I turn around and call everything coincidence. I need to make up my mind, right?
(as a quick side note: I recently read something about people who can sleep easily and soundly and anywhere and quickly and the caption below the reading was: don’t you THINK?)
I shared this on FB last night because I was floored and I had a friend with me who pointed out that a prayer was answered. I flatly refused to believe it was a prayer and called it a coincidence. At the same time I was crying out of pure gratitude and awe.
A lot of my writing is just me emptying my pathetic little brain, but this is a good one for all three of my kids. Even if I don’t do it justice.
Sitting on the couch with the air conditioner off and sweating, both figuratively and literally. Having coming to the realization that my sister’s effort in fundraising is not gonna cut it because our insurance was cancelled somehow and the site we used to fundraise takes 5% of each donation, effectively earning them a lot of cash. Had I known that, I would have apologized up front to everyone who donated. Anyway, I was sitting in this exact spot yesterday morning, much later in the morning! (I’ve been up since 330)And I just offered it up to God. Reluctantly. I was certain I was praying wrong as I have always been certain of that. One must be certain about some things.
So, I was like, hey. God? Are you there, it’s me, Erin. (anyone else read Judy Blume as a ‘tween?)
And to this day I have never heard God’s booming voice.
So, I was like, hey. Listen. We have a couple of problems over here. And I realize this prayer doesn’t even count because it’s a foxhole prayer. But, I’m doin’ it anyway. Man, we are messed up. I realize I don’t have to tell you this, because supposedly you know everything. You are the genie in the lamp and you can grant me wishes. <Is this blasphemy? That’s what prayer feels like for me.
I told God about our financial issues and health issues. <If you say, “issue” you can remain vague.
And so I am out of garbage bags and laundry soap and stuff like that and generally worried about things like I tend to worry and I am sitting on this very uncomfortable $150 couch which has ruined my back, right where I am sitting now and a grey truck pulls up at about 5pm while the legion of neighborhood children are swarming in my yard. I notice everything on this street. I notice shadows.
I said, someone is here, something is wrong, why did someone show up unexpected, who got hit by a car, who fell down, who died…seriously, I KNOW who comes by our house.
So, I jumped up and went outside to face the “whatever”, hackles up. Worries up. No bra. (sorry)
A man and a woman boldly encroached. Ashton came to my left leg and hides a little bit. They were smiling so I let down my guard but I didn’t want to buy anything just the same.
They were from the Brookville Soccer Association. And they handed me an envelope. And I handed it back and said NO. And I backed away. And they came toward me and gave it back again. And I was like, ahhh! Fuck. Now I have to think about if this was an answer to a prayer!
Ashton had signed up for soccer this Spring and could not attend. I guess my mom told them why. I never spoke to them once. None had ever met Ashton. The association has a concession during games and the saved the proceeds in Ashton’s name this Spring. $340.
And the woman is a 2 year Lymphoma survivor.
All I can say is, Amen. And I rarely say that.