I PICK YOU for PICU, said the Universe about my son. We moved here yesterday. We lost our sunny room in BMT. Due to graphic issues because too disturbing I won’t write about  and respiratory distress, we are in a whole new world without Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Posters.

Don’t fret, Bunny is here. Ashton wouldn’t know it because he is on Ketamine for pain : it is classified as a dissociative agent. The state it induces is described as a “trancelike cataleptic state of ‘sensory isolation’ [which] is characterized by potent analgesia, sedation, and amnesia while maintaining cardiovascular stability and preserving spontaneous respirations and protective airway reflexes.”[5]  <Thanks, again Wikipedia. You make me sound so smart. Basically it’s a horse tranquilizer and/or a club drug. (And yes, we have a spot reserved at Passages Malibu for Detox after this is all over)

Pain. He’s in a bunch of pain. I wish it were as bad as it was when I thought it was bad. Like on March 3oth, I though it was bad. That was so easy.  Now he screams on KETAMINE. (sorry)

His breathing is better this morning. sort of. I wish he knew I was here.

Rounds are quite impressive now. I counted 20!!!!! doctors, nurses, specialists, etcetera yesterday morning. My main guy, Grimley, he hangs back and lets the young folks grandstand. Then wraps up the longest round ever with NO.  Very Humbly. We are not doing that. He has known Ashton since day one and he is the only one I trust.

Family is flying in. Strict visitation policy.

can’t write anymore



  1. Claire

    My heart goes out to you. Just reading your words discribing the scene brings tears to my eyes. He knows your there, that you’ve never left, that you’ll always be there and he’s getting better. As you know pain that seems will never leave, passes and things are good. He’s going through the pain only to come out even better. You’re amazing, know that at every moment there is someone or group of people praying for you. You are loved. May gods love surround you and your family.

  2. Dylan

    Sounds like Grimley knows his [email protected]*! Keep him close. Sounds like he is teaching the these possibly future doctors how to be prepared for the rest of their lives and the lives they care for and not just their careers. I’m sure they hurt but at the same time get told not feel it. F’d up! I pray for you both everyday.

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