If you find yourself in the wrong story, leave. Or give the book to somebody else. I didn’t make that up. I read it somewhere, in someone else’s story. I just woke up with that cantering through my (now sufficiently medicated!) sleep-deprived brain.

I’ve always been able to eventually leave the wrong plotline. Sometimes it takes me a while because once I start a book I insist on finishing it, no matter how terrible it is. Sometimes I can recall how horrid a book was, yet somehow remember it fondly, while other times I can easily forget I ever read it at all. There are many books of which I have entire paragraphs committed to memory, word for word. There are entire genres I will never go back to. There are genres I know I can never put down.

When you become a mother or a father you could write your own book the day the first one is born. It could even be crappy writing, but a book, nonetheless. If you are lucky enough to have three children spanning fourteen years, you have enough material for an Encyclopedia set. (For those 80’s kids out there, that used to be the Internet)

Having been writing about Ash almost daily for months now, I remember why we parents were supposed to keep “baby books” and keep them updated. We forget so much. I did great for Lily for a year. I did great for Blaise for about 8 months and I didn’t do so much for Ashton. I was too overwhelmed. I’m sure Ashton has more baby pictures due to the iphone and the crash of our computer and loss of so many Lily and Blaise photos. I wish I had thought of blogging (did blogging exist?) when Lily and Blaise were little.

There are a couple of stories I would like my older children to have been spared, both their own and mine. I wouldn’t dare blog about them now. They would throttle me. So, many times I have wanted to change their plotlines, but the stories in their young lives had to reach their own endings and new beginnings. And when you are a child, you don’t always have the power to leave your story. I know this from experience.

I am experiencing this now, with Ashton. He can’t just choose another book off the shelf. He has to turn each page and finish each chapter no matter if we all think the book is too old for him. We will come to the end of this rather poorly written book and choose an easier read next time. We will not pass this book on to another child. We will burn it.


  1. mike

    how is ashton doing I see all this literature but nothing about his condition you should use this site to get out the information about your son not to express out what you are doing

    • Wendy

      You obviously care little about writing. It is evident by your lack of punctuation and capitalization. Erin is a gifted writer. If you read the entire entry titled “Literature,” she is making an analogy, and wraps is up very well, bringing it specifically back to Ashton. Many of us enjoy her blog. The details of what this child has endured prior to and since his bone marrow transplant are not pleasant. He continues to fight for his life 24 hours a day. Please allow this mother to vent and share her story without the fear of being judged negatively. In other words, if you don’t have something nice to say, then say nothing at all. She is fighting this battle with him, and would fight it for him, if that was possible. Instead, she has to witness his pain, and uses the blog to release her thoughts. Rest assured, any money donated has been used to support this poor, sick, little boy!

  2. concerned

    why don’t you use this web site for what it is intended for information about ashton so we who contributed money to help can see what his progress is we do not want to see what your problems and your daily shores are our concern is ashton maybe you should let someone else post the progress of ashton the one who should be important in this web site

  3. john

    I contributed to support your sons illiness and would like to see how he is doing but all I read on ashtons web page is about you how about posting how ashtons condition is doing I’d would like to see pictures of his good days playing and spending time with family all I read here is the making of a book about what you went through while this child is sick an all of us are praying for him quit thinking about yourself and bring this child into the highlights of concerned family. I feel I am family since I was in a similuar situation with a step daughter.

  4. anonymous

    Why don’t all three of you go get a life? She is allowed to express how she feels and is doing. It’s hard taking care of a child with cancer and this is her outlet. I’m assuming you judgmental people have never had to deal with such an awful situation. She is doing a wonderful job and she is doing it mostly on her own so cut her some slack. News flash, we don’t always want to share the gory details of cancer life. Sometimes it’s just to damn hard or we are to exhausted to share so we just don’t. I am a fellow cancer mom and haven’t had to deal with half the stuff she has and I applaud her. If she wants to talk about other stuff its none of your business. Don’t like it, stop following. He just had a BMW for God’s sake. You really think he is up playing? Maybe you should do some research. Maybe you should do less bashing & more praying for that sweet little boy. Then once he is back to feeling normal you will see the pictures of a happy little boy. End of rant!

  5. MAM

    Childhood cancer is hard enough without a troll. If you need to get out your frustration, you can write your own blog and include whatever you’d like to see.

  6. mkejohnconfused

    You’re a terrible troll. Your posts will not be approved any longer. Troll or not, your creepy expectectation to know the ins-and-outs of suffering caused by cancer is gross.

    You may send me verification of how much you contributed and I’ ll immediately refund you double the amount. You can take that money and use it towardstherapy bills to get through your veuyeristic obsession with a little boy and his mother.

    [email protected]

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