Laugh When You Can


Even if it seems inappropriate.

Some days I focus on the humor. Nothing super upsetting really happened today, I laughed a little.

Last night, was it “fall back” night? Yes. Ugh. I slept at the end of Ashton’s bed. My neck. To quote the late Nora Ephron, “I’m Worried About My Neck”. I’m also worried because I’m watching Dora The Explorer. Ashton is NOT watching it with me.


Let’s start with Rounds and the ego. I learn so much here. The ego. Even my favorite BMT has a lil’ tendency to let it flare when there is a haughty ICU Doc nearby. There is always a  learning resident on the team and sometimes they are a little shaky to begin with> It has got to be terrifying as an up and coming doc to stand there among upwards of 12-15 professionals and rattle off, perfectly, everything wrong with my son. Then to have some jibs and jabs going on under the breaths of differing opinions and you are getting corrected on basic but very important things (even by me), I felt bad for her, actually. Her voice was shaky and she kept apologizing. And then…


Ashton was taken off a gvhd drug ten days ago in order to help his lungs. My main BMT is cool and collected and added it back on this morning. The “ learning” doc asking so timidly, can you give me a quick run-down about that drugt? I almost fell OUT laughing.

His response was from some file in the forefront of his brain that came straight from a medical journal and he said it like he was on speed. It took about 30 seconds. It was soooo intimidating. Linda and I just cracked up cause we have never really seen that side of him. The team looked at him. He did not blink. or smile. He did it on purpose. I appreciate his humor, as always.

When I ask him anything at all, he slows down, looks me in the eye and talks to me like a human.

Then the ICU doc EXPLAINED it in SIMPLE terms and we all laughed again cause that didn’t really make sense either. None of it makes sense.


We do make our fun during rounds. It is not at Ashton’s expense. It is about figuring him out. They give him massive amounts of drugs to keep him awake but not pulling out this or that tube. His DOC (drug of choice) is Valium cause he outgrew Ativan. Hell, Special K barely touches him. He gets a whole bunch of stuff at once. His private pharmacist is on high alert. We want him comfy. Not overdosed.

Nonni and I continue to notice the hotties without rings.

Aunt Donna is here. I love love love listening to stories about Scott’s mom and sisters when they were growing up. Preacher’s daughters. I share my own little stories and they don’t blink. I wasn’t so bad. ( I wasn’t so good).

We stand around the bed and Ash waves us away. I love he can hear us and get annoyed with us.

He just MIGHT be off the vent tomorrow? Maybe? Still a lot of blood. If he can get that damned tube out he can talk to me. Think, I will go crawl in bed w him again> I will get a new neck online.


Thank you for saying the novena with me.