Thanksgiving Day, 2014.
Where to begin? I do have much to be grateful for.
I have people, that’s the most important thing. I have people who love me. People who love Ashton.
I have Lily and Blaise. <Those two people alone make me a wealthy woman.
I have a roof over my head right now and a huge, cozy blanket on top of me while my trusted friend and her daughter sleep upstairs at 4:29 am.
I have another dear friend helping me look for a permanent (affordable) place to reside. I can pick up the phone and call over 100 different people right this second if I need to, and they would answer.
I have enough to make my next car payment.
I have a new nephew on the way, named after Ashton.
I have millions of moments of memories that only old age can steal.
Four of Ashton’s friends with cancer: Reygan, Isaac, Alby and Scarlet are either in remission or going on maintenance treatment.
I have 95 miles worth of gas in my car. I have Netflix. I have a cell phone.
This year has taught me pain like no other. I have wondered at my inability to cry and I get it now. Months and months and months of STUFFING my feelings because what was happening to him was unfathomable. It became the norm. That pain made me grow. I am grateful I handled the last days of my son’s life like a woman. There will be a time to drop the armor.
I was strong for him all the way, deep in to the bowels of that hospital until they pulled open a cold, steel tray to place him on. I went all the way, my man. I am grateful I was able to do that. I am grateful I am a strong woman.
Yes, you are. ❤️
POWERFUL! And filled me with hope and gratitude. Being used by God in ways you don’t even know…
Being strong for him all the way through is really all there is….beyond huge. I think it will enable you to heal from the inside, out. To have held your ground held your ground while facing that monster….heroic. Crying would have scared Ashton. You can rest knowing that you did right by your boy.
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