Give It To Me Straight

I have recently been reasoned with. You know how you can hear certain people and you cannot (will not) hear others? I don’t know, that’s how I am. A couple of people have been very frank with me lately. I don’t always hate that. If the message is delivered in the way I can receive it (good LUCK figuring out that puzzle), I will have much respect for the messenger and actually listen.

So, yesterday’s post was all about how crappy I feel. I’ve kinda been waiting on today because many things with Ashton will be resolved such as meds and a new marrow aspiration and admittance date. It’s still a transitional lifestyle/no different than yesterday, however, I awakened (awoke?) WOKE UP! this morning thinking I need a plan. I need to quit bitching and saying what I need. I need to DO what I need.

One small step at a time. I slept in a bed last night. I still slept in my clothes, but, hey. And, it wasn’t my bed. (It was Lily’s).  So my back feels better. I am also determined to eat today.

I had a dream last night: about running. This is also a good sign. Today will not be the day to put that in to effect. But, I’m thinking tomorrow. At least I’m thinking.

Today I will not say I NEED to get the mail and pay the bills and figure out the insurance. I will just do it. Adios, pity party.


Ashton is still asleep. Still, being home is so good for him. Even if it means skinned knees that don’t heal because of blood counts and the fact that he wears only his underwear to play baseball and sweats off his dressing every two days. He’s getting knee pads when his knees heal.

I’m so serious.

So, I need a plan for Cincinnati. A better plan than I had for Round Two. I believe I CAN have a better plan there because there will be more opportunities to not just sit on a bed all day. Bigger Hospital = More Entertainment for Ashton. I’m not sure about the area around the hospital (doesn’t look too good) but I bet I could run there. I need ideas to help punctuate the day for Me. Ashton’s is going to be punctuated more readily because, it just will. He has a routine. I need to build in my own routine. I need to spend less time alone with no grown-ups. I do have a plan for that part. It’s difficult to implement a plan for yourself when it takes a village and there is no village.

But I will do it. I don’t need to do it. I do need to do it but also WILL do it.

Thinking positively: Round Three is a precursor to Colorado. Then, he gets Round FOUR which will be a BITCH, but then, he gets injected with brand new, cancer-free bone marrow and his body will love it. And, he will be cured forever.