In The Beginning

This is meant to be a sort of train-of -thought exercise about Ashton’s earlier years. I want to start putting together a memoir of this time and it needs a beginning: like, how did he get here? I was content with two children at the age of 34.  Totally content. I was using birth control … [Read more…]

Fine. I admit It.

. I told our main oncologist yesterday that I agreed to talk to a psychologist. I did talk to two in Dayton Children’s, but I felt I was just humoring them so they could feel like they were helping me. Sort of like me validating their expertise in making people feel “better” about Cancer. I … [Read more…]

The Sweetest Thing

I’m watching Ashton have “school” for the first time in many months. He’s so in to it.  He is HUNGRY for this. The teacher said her material was too easy for him, which doesn’t surprise me. He has retained a lot more than I thought and reading seems to come naturally for him. Due to … [Read more…]

The Many Faces of Ashton

He woke up this morning and said brightly, “Hey Mom, it’s time to get up!” This is where I jump up and flail for my glasses. I said, Hey! How about I go get you some milk and grab my coffee and we will get ready for the play room?(We have a litany of things … [Read more…]

very interesting : take ONE

Someone should be filming this. Our days are long and strange. Yesterday was a blur of sedation and pain meds and vomit and fever and vomit and fever, etc. Today is ” better” in a weird way. The first time Ashton stayed awake all day on Ativan. Woo-Hoo. (For HIM, maybe) Coordination=out the window. Falling … [Read more…]

The Show Is On The Road

The Chemo Road. Dose one was at 4pm today and dose two is coming up in a few minutes. I’m taking this time to blog because I really don’t know what is going to happen next. He has been so resilient (because he is resistant to chemo?) I don’t know. But whatever the hell Fludarabine … [Read more…]

What You Should Never Do

Never, ever finish reading, “The Fault In Our Stars” in a hospital room in the middle of the lonely night when you are far, far away from anyone you would ever even call because what the hell would you say, anyway, while your son is sleeping and his  little body is fighting. Never, ever use all … [Read more…]

This Is What I Get

I haven’t written since last? Wednesday? Therefore, I don’t remember much since then. I do believe we have redefined, “slapstick”. What’s funny now is watching my son giggle after receiving his pre-anesthesia medicine. He laughs so hard it makes me laugh and cry. What’s also funny is that he’s beginning to speak in a southern … [Read more…]

A Laundry List

1. Finish Laundry 2. Get Mail. 3. Throw away mail. 4. Gas up car. 5. Pack up our lives. 6. Clean 7. Pack up Car. 8. Chicken wire around the garden 9. Forget about the grass 10. Get a neighborhood kid to do grass? 11. Water flowers and garden. 13. Set up arrangements for watering … [Read more…]

Prayer

Ok, fine. I admit it. I spend a lot of timing talking about how there are no coincidences and then I turn around and call everything coincidence. I need to make up my mind, right? (as a quick side note: I recently read something about people who can sleep easily and soundly and anywhere and … [Read more…]