A Few Things I’ve Learned About The C Word

1. Almost everything that was paramount before diagnosis barely registers on the relevancy scale. 2. Being a bald child is not weird. It’s proof that you are stronger than most adults. 3. There is very little I, personally, can do for my son. I, personally, cannot cure CANCER. 4. I CAN, however, hold a barf … [Read more…]


Focusing on the positive. Trying, still, to ascertain which doctors are painting a pretty picture and which ones are just so used to their jobs they don’t mind being straight with you. Dr. Grimley came in yesterday (and I love his name). He was the one who diagnosed Ashton in the ER months ago and … [Read more…]

Proud of My Friends

I feel so uplifted, which, in turn helps me to uplift others, not just Ashton. When He starts to feel better, I can start to find a way to give back. To everyone. To both hospitals. To the people and friends who have stood by us. To those who have contributed. Some days I just … [Read more…]

First Day Up

 And Flexing his muscles. Engraftment is most definitely underway. Still have a long road, but the grade is much less steep. Let’s go, Little Man! It won’t be long til you see the sun! Love, Mommy


Some comments have indicated they don’t want this blog to be about me. And the people who comment seem angry. That’s ok. Everyone has a different experience with this disease with a different child. I certainly do not mean to offend. This is meant to tell about what happened here. It is meant to remind me … [Read more…]


If you find yourself in the wrong story, leave. Or give the book to somebody else. I didn’t make that up. I read it somewhere, in someone else’s story. I just woke up with that cantering through my (now sufficiently medicated!) sleep-deprived brain. I’ve always been able to eventually leave the wrong plotline. Sometimes it … [Read more…]

Coming In Sideways

It’s definitely been an uphill climb. More like a side-step on skis up a double black when you’ve lost a pole. Sideways and over and down a little and a long stretch. You finally reach the stray pole, then it slides again so you also slide back down a little. By then you are exhausted and you … [Read more…]


Sometimes. I get triggered by the sight or the sound of his name and I want to climb, or take a helicopter, whichever is easier, to the top of this building (probably a helicopter) and scream, “THAT’S NOT HIS NAME!”. It all started with the absence of Trent during my pregnancy. We made a deal … [Read more…]

This Is Crazy

My head is going to implode. I wonder what that actually looks like? Probably better that an EXplosion of a head, yes? All your insanity is stuck inside and no one has to clean it up. They just burn you and scatter you. Wow, Erin. That was morbid. Even For you. I am waiting. Still … [Read more…]

Good Morning, Ashton! ( I Hate You, Mom)

Some types of chemo have a distinct affect on behavior. Today has proven that this round is REAL. Without revealing too much, he has been on medications to help him cope psychologically for weeks now. Both have been very effective. We are in a new world now with these new chemotherapies. It started 12.5 hours … [Read more…]