Independence Day July 4th, 2014 He has seen fireworks before, of course. This night, he and I are alone at the West Milton fireworks display. The crowd is buzzing and rough around the edges. He’s not wearing his mask since we are outside and I want him to feel normal, not stand out … [Read more…]
What little gem would he have made for me at school? Maybe a pinch pot. He would have painted it red or blue. He would be my first grader. He does say he goes to school in Heaven. I know this because last Mother’s Day he gave me flowers. That likely sounds delusional because … [Read more…]
I don’t want to do this anymore without you. I want back every second I was selfish. Every moment I did not spend with you. I think I am entering a new phase. Bargaining. Cause apparently I have been pretty angry lately. And it shows. I’m starting today to make deals. What do I have … [Read more…]
You think I have PTSD? I don’t have time to have PTSD because I have been concerned with YOU. I became homeless the day after my son’s Memorial. My family was down the block while I was with my significant other who is about to leave me and my best friend who will never leave … [Read more…]
But you did choose to log on. It is said, if you lose a parent you have a collection of memories to draw from. Assuming that parent lived in to old age, it is the natural course of things, even if it was tragic. They lived a long fulfilling life, I hope, I hope. For … [Read more…]
ASHTON TYLER CARLEY TRENT 2.28.09-11.11.14 I became aware/hyper-aware of this sequence of numbers from the time I became pregnant with Ashton. My primary emotional support at the time came long-distance from my best friend, Stephanie as well as my mother. It was common for Stephanie and I to exchange texts twice a day when we would … [Read more…]
I decided to start blogging again at 2:14 am on December 22nd. I knew it was going to be a long night of infomercials and writing is a great way to combat them. I have not been able to write in weeks. Rather, I have felt I have nothing to offer and have likely lost … [Read more…]
Poorly. This is the opposite of good. Plus, I am poor. It appears I am handling this poorly. This is because I show no emotion, even while reels of images storm through my head and the only thing to stop them is Netflix. I will always remember you, Netflix. You have been here for me for … [Read more…]
Because NOTHING will ever happen. Not to anyone I love. It was a random misprint. “It is not so much a disease as a phenomenon, the result of a basic evolutionary compromise. As a body lives and grows, It’s cells are constantly dividing, copying their DNA — this vast genetic library — and bequeathing … [Read more…]
A little increment closer to getting life back in to MY life. Closer to being able to cry. I’m still very scattered. My belongings are in Ohio. Everything ASHTON is here with me. I have a bit of money in Kentucky from my deposit on the house being returned (coming here soon, I hope). I had … [Read more…]