I wasn’t going to blog tonight.
I erase everything I type.
I will sum up the day for the sake of memory:
Up until the wee hours this morning with a vomiting Ashton. Nurses in and out all night. Kind, sweet, nurturing people.
Yucky nurse this morning. She was new( yet, old) and didn’t seem to understand our veteran-like feel for this place. We, Ashton and I, actually know the drill. The other nurses know. They know not to stare at him. Or bombard him with questions. They give him his “bunny-space”.
I waited. That’s basically what we do. Ryan showed up and I almost bowed at his feet. He was so tired he was falling asleep from working all night but trying to play w Ashton. Then, my mom came and I put on my headphones and went hell-bound for leg burn by the river. Upon my return, I sat on the hospital bed for a few minutes and I knew I had to leave again. I knew I could not give anything. I could not even give myself a shower. I left in my car, Ashton in the care of my mother, and I, in the care of my sweaty clothes. And I promptly got lost.
Maybe it wasn’t an accident.